Many people try to limit the time they spend on social media when they’re with their kids. But new research suggests social media use has a significant effect on interactions with children — even when adults aren’t looking at their screens.
Mothers who were in the habit of spending more time on social media talked much less to their kids when they played with them than did moms who spent less time on social networks, and that difference carried over when they weren’t using their devices, according to a study to be presented Tuesday at the Digital Media and Developing Minds International Scientific Congress in Washington, DC.
While past research has focused on how kids are affected when parents or guardians are on their screens, this study looked at the impact of cell phone use on parent-child interactions even when parents were offline, said Liz Robinson, a doctoral student at the University of Alabama in Tuscaloosa and lead author of the study.
Mothers who used social media extensively spoke 29% less to their kids while playing with them — without their phones — compared with the moms whose social media use was low. Moms in the low-use category used social media an average of 21 minutes per day, while moms in the high-use category used social media an average of 169 minutes per day.
Other uses of screens, including checking email or the weather, weren’t associated with talking less to kids, according to the study of 65 toddlers ages 2 through 5 years old and their mothers in Alabama.
Although Robinson’s research has not yet been peer-reviewed or published in a journal, it doesn’t surprise me. In my own research, people often say they still think about what they see on social media long after they log off. Although the moms in this study were physically present with their kids, it’s possible their minds were elsewhere.
“Often our minds wander to activities that are more pleasurable naturally, and we know social media is that experience for most people,” said Kris Perry, executive director of Children and Screens: Institute of Digital Media and Child Development, a nonprofit to help kids lead healthy digital lives and the organizer of the Congress.
Perry, who was not involved in the research, pointed out that social networks show us tailored content that is intensely interesting to us, so “it makes you want to experience it longer.”
Whatever the reason, kids need their parents to be mentally present when they play. Thankfully, there are things we can do to make sure our social media use doesn’t interfere with our parenting.
Talk to your kids even as they get older
One of the most important things parents can do is to talk to their children all the time.
Learning language is “a major feature of optimal child development” and it’s “dependent on children expressing and receiving language from birth through (age) 18,” Perry said.
Greater exposure to language tends to improve kids’ brain development, academic outcomes, communication skills and language, she said.
The interactions parents and kids have when they play are also important to children’s socioemotional development, Robinson said, to help them develop their executive functions and attention spans and learn how to regulate their emotions.
Interacting with adults is also one of the ways children learn what to prioritize. “Kids are acutely aware of where a parent is looking,” Robinson said, “and they learn what’s important. So, when our gaze is constantly going towards a device, towards a smartphone, well, we’re communicating to our children what’s important in that moment, too.”
Carve out kids-only time
That’s why parents should make a conscious effort to be mentally present when interacting with their kids. “Our attention is one of the best things that we can give to our children,” Robinson said, noting that this conveys to them that we love them.
Robinson recommended that parents set aside certain times of the day to give their kids undivided attention. That’s advice I also give when I speak to parent groups and at schools about how to handle kids’ social media use.
Of course, finding this time isn’t easy. “None of us can give our kids undivided attention all the time, but it can be helpful to think on a smaller scale,” Robinson said. “Though I have many things to tend to today, I can give my child undivided attention for the next 15 minutes. That focused time goes a long way from the child’s perspective.”
When we’re with our kids, we can remind ourselves “there is nowhere but here, and there is no time but now in your child’s mind,” Robinson said. “And so, you have many other thoughts and many other priorities that are floating around in your head. But we can compartmentalize those and be fully present with our child, who knows only this moment, and only our attention.”
Use social media less often
Parents should also pay attention to how their social media use is affecting them and their children, Perry said. “Understand what the impact of using social media is on you personally, and make sure that you’re mitigating what those impacts are when you go to interact with your child.”
A simple way to do that? Limit the number of times you check it per week and how long you spend on it each time.
“Reduce the amount of time you’re on social media to prevent the likelihood that you would even inadvertently speak less” to your child, Perry said. And, of course, using social media less could also free up more time for parents to spend playing with their kids.
Robinson said the biggest limitation of the research is that it’s correlational — the authors couldn’t establish whether social media was making parents more passive or whether more passive parents were using social media more. In addition, the study couldn’t account for factors such as parents’ mental health, income and education.
I’d also love to see this study replicated with fathers, who should also be taking responsibility for playing with their kids and using social media responsibly.
Still, the study suggests using social media more could reduce our conversations with our children, and that got me thinking. Next time I play with my daughters, I’ll be checking in with myself on whether I’m talking to them or my thoughts are elsewhere.
I’ll also be more conscious of how much the content I’m seeing on social media is continuing to play out in my head even after I’m done scrolling. I might even talk to my kids about the changes I make as a result.-BBC
